


Moon Maddened

by QueenoftheProcrastination



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: ABO dynamics, Alternate Universe - Fairy Tale, Alternate Universe - Little Red Riding Hood Fusion, Alternate Universe - Medieval, Alternate Universe - Werewolf, F/M, Fairy Tale Elements, Fairy Tale Retellings, Medieval mysticism, Monastery Setting, Non-Linear Narrative, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Rey is super repressed okay???, but not too non-linear, flirting with food, i'm leaning in to the whole harlequin romance thing, medieval eroticism
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-16
Updated: 2018-11-26
Packaged: 2019-08-02 22:50:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16314131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenoftheProcrastination/pseuds/QueenoftheProcrastination
Summary: A young woman on a winding path through the forest. A chance encounter with a wolf. When she's rescued by a mysterious stranger, perhaps the danger has only just begun.A Little Red Riding Hood Retelling.





	1. March, Waning Gibbous

**Author's Note:**

> Please see the glossary in the end notes! Also, let me know if there's something you'd like me to define that I missed.

_March, Waning Gibbous_

Fire ripped through her leg, burning a path from ankle to hip. White hot flames licking at her skin until all she could feel was the relentless devouring of her own flesh. She tried to scream, but only a pathetic whimper escaped her lips. Each step brought a new jarring of pain rippling across her body. She was burning, on fire, yet so, so cold. Curling in on herself, she burrowed into the warm solid pressed at her side.

Her face was wet, and something heavy and rough yet oh so soft continually swiped at the tears.

"Shh...shhh female...don't cry...fix it..."

The world around her jerked to the side, sending fresh hell coursing through her veins.

Blessedly, she slept.

It was later, perhaps, though how much so was impossible to tell. The world was different--warm and dark and cozy. The pain still seared her ankle, but it seemed contained. Something wet and warm and rough rasped at her ravaged skin, each passing of the strange thing causing the pain to recede just a few moments longer.

With great effort, she cracked open her eyes. Darkness and shadow danced around her. So dark. But softness beneath. She tried to lift her head, but she was so, so tired. Slowly, ever so slowly, she turned her neck one breath at a time, until she could see the world beyond.

A mountain of furs and blankets. then, there, in the shadows. A figure hunched over her pale ankle, holding her leg still. A head bent, hair dark as the surrounding shadows against her skin. Slow, hot laps of something wet easing her pain.

The head lifted. Luminous eyes reflecting the fire burning near her. A red mouth. Red and wet? Blood? _Hers?_

Panic and fear mixed with the pain. Her eyes rolled back in her head and she knew no more.

* * *

The bells of Alderaan monastery rang across the misty, grey world signaling lauds and the beginning of the day. The forest surrounding the ancient castle-turned-nunnery was wreathed in fog, though it lay still, belying the creatures that stirred in its depths.

A lone figured clad in white and scarlet stepped up to the edge of the forest.

Rey-- _just Rey, no last name_ \--adjusted the basket on her arm and stepped onto the forest path. Her red cloak vibrant against the grey-green-brown of the world around her. The silence of the morning settled over her, until she felt that the only thing that existed was herself and the trees. It was a quiet completely different from the imposed silence of the monastery.

The walk through the wood followed a well trodden path that winded its way for almost two hours before the trees thinned into the clearing around the little hermit cottage. Two hours just to herself on the way there and two hours on the way back. It was a luxury she was unaccustomed to, having grown up surrounded by the strict regulations of religious life.

Rey grabbed her sturdy walking stick from where she'd leaned it against a forked tree last month, and swung it through the air, causing the grass to ripple. With a smile, she set out. Mother Superior Leia's voice echoed in her mind _stay on the path_.

Three months she'd been going on these errands, and Mother Superior still insisted on treating Rey like a child.

As she tromped through a bubbling stream, enjoying the cool splash of water against the soft linen of her dress, Rey hummed to herself, following along with the twittering of the songbirds. Though it was early morning, she could already tell it would be warm later in the day. It had been unseasonably warm all month, portending a hot summer. And though the shade kept the sun from beating too hotly down on her, there was little breeze either.

A large fallen trunk lay across the path--the halfway marker the cottage--and Rey scrambled over it. She landed solidly in the dirt and paused, the hair on the back of her neck prickling. Looking around, Rey tried to see if she could spot anything among the trees or ferns--a fox maybe or a badger, but there was nothing. Not a single leaf rustled.

She shook her head. Silly. She was being silly. There was nothing watching her. And while there were hundreds of different animals that lived in the great forest, she hadn't been trying to walk quietly. Surely everything in a hundred yard radius had been startled away.

Still, the feeling stayed with her as she continued on her way; a feeling that had followed her since the first time she'd stepped foot in the imposing woods.

She switched her basket to the other arm, rubbing the indentation in her flesh from the wicker handle. She'd looked through the contents earlier, though she wasn't supposed to. A bag of flour, two new pots of ink, half a dozen candles for late night writings. Mother Superior Leia had included meat from the butcher, though as the hermit was not technically allowed anything richer than fish.

By the time the trees began to thin, Rey's stomach was rumbling. She sped up, knowing there would at least some hot bread for lunch. As she broke through the tree-line she spotted the older man who lived deep in the forest. Mother Superior's brother--her twin, according to some of the older, gossipy sisters--though Rey had never been brave enough to ask brother Luke if if were true. He was puttering around in the little garden at the side of his house, hoe in hand and large straw hat on his head.

As she approached, he looked up, though she couldn't imagine she'd made enough noise for him to hear her.

"Rey, I'm glad you're here, I was reading Beothius last night and found something you might be interested in..."

* * *

It was late by the time Rey left Luke's cottage, the sun nearly to the horizon and definitely below the trees, and the fat gibbous moon hanging brightly behind her. She lifted her lantern, the slats pulled up to illuminate her path, less excited to make her journey back than in the morning. Still, she couldn't have stayed at the hermitage--it would be untoward.

Mother Superior Leia would be disappointed that she wasn't back for compline, but there was nothing to be done about it. Luke needed help with half a dozen projects around the cottage. And that, ultimately, was her duty.

 _It was just after terce and Rey was sequestered in the northwest hall, half-way through the first of three_ _torturous_ _hours of_ _embroidery with the other novitiates. She was supposed to be working on an altar cloth, but for every stitch she made, she spent twice as many minutes un-stitching it because it was too long, or too short, too jagged. It was a hell of a lot of bother._

_It didn't help that she'd chosen a spot on the bench across from the window, and she could see the forest dancing in the breeze beyond the castle. What would it be like, she wondered, to dance with the trees? To sway and twirl among their branches? That would be so much better than embroidery, anyway._

_She and half the girls jumped as the heavy wooden door banged open to reveal Sister Amilyn, Mother Superior's right hand woman. Though the sisters were supposed to be uniform servants of the Lord, Sister Amilyn was always easy to pick out from the rows of black and white clad women: she was strikingly tall and, though Rey had only really noticed in the bright light of the central courtyard, she was convinced the woman's veil was the palest shade of lavender, instead of stark white._

_Amilyn looked around the hall at the identical novices in their white gowns, lined up along the edge of the room. Rey shrank back, trying to hide between Sister Paige and Sister Jessica, but when the older nun spotted her, she knew she was in for it._

_What, exactly, she wasn't sure. But in for it she was. Sister Amilyn's arrival only meant one thing--_

_"Sister Rey, Mother Superior Leia wishes to see you."_

_Rey tried not to groan in alarm as the girls around her started to twitter. She couldn't think of what she'd done_ lately _to merit such a summons, but she was sure it was something. Though she tried to follow the many rules which regulated life at Alderaan convent, she always found herself being too loud at meals or during the Great Silence, or unable to concentrate during prayer. Her mind would wander, or she would forget herself, and soon enough she was earning disapproving stares._

_With a resigned sigh, she stood, and followed Sister Amilyn down the many winding corridors and cloisters to the opposite end of the castle where Mother Superior had her quarters. Rey loved Leia's apartments--they were, besides the chapel, some of the most sumptuous rooms in the castle. The walls were covered with rich tapestries, and the furniture was solid, heavy wood carved with fantastical scenes of chivalry._

_Rey had overheard some of the older nuns gossiping once, saying Leia was from an noble family, that the castle was_ hers _. Rey wasn't sure what to believe, but the beauty of the chambers enchanted her._

_Yet it was with a sense of dread that she entered the rooms._

_Mother Superior Leia sat behind her large desk, surrounded by bookshelves heavy with deluxe manuscripts. The scent of beeswax candles hung in the air._

_"Have a seat, Sister Rey," Leia said, not glancing up from the letter she held._

_Sister Amilyn took her leave, and Rey fidgeted in her seat, waiting to be noticed. After a long moment, Leia finally put her letter down and fixed the younger woman with her probing gaze, lips pursed._

_"Sister Louise Marie tells me you've been neglecting your embroidery, and your lessons, and that you've been sleeping during vespers. And that you put a mouse in Sister Bazine's bed."_

_Rey had the good sense to blush at the last one, and looked down at her hands. She knew it was pointless to defend herself too. Better to just take the punishment--be it extra chores or prayers and be happy she wasn't getting the switch._

_Leia stood and walked to one of the many windows that looked out across the forest. "You have been with us for fourteen years, Rey. I had hoped you would settle into religious life, but such as it is, I have ten year old novitiates who are closer to taking their vows that you are."_

_Rey flinched at the harsh words, but she knew they were true. As much as she wanted to please Leia, she couldn't help but constantly look beyond the castle walls to the horizon and the world outside._

_Leia turned, facing her and Rey felt her heart begin to hammer. What punishment would she get now? Surely not cleaning the garderobes._

_"I have therefore decided that in order to provide your mind adequate exercise, I wish you to take over Sister Amilyn's duties outside the convent."_

_Rey's head shot up, and she could feel an expression of shock clearly written across her face. "Mother Superior, do you really mean...?"_

_Leia tilted her head, studying the younger woman as the sunlight caught the rich brown of her un-veiled hair. "As you know, there is a hermitage attached to the convent. I wish for you to bring monthly supplies to Brother Luke, and aid him with any projects or upkeep he needs done."_

Rey reached the large fallen log across the path, its moss covered trunk reaching nearly to her shoulders. Carefully using her walking stick and being mindful of the lantern she held, she began to climb it, though the evening dew on the moss made it slick. Letting out an oath that would have gotten her twenty _Ave Marias_ if any of the nuns had heard her, Rey finally managed to climb atop the thing. She peered over the other side, trying to find a good foothold, or at the very least, a good place to jump down.

The sound of a twig snapping ricocheted through the quiet forest. Rey jumped, startled, her foot coming down wrong on the slick, decaying wood. Down she tumbled, bouncing off the wood with a yelp. Her lantern and walking stick went flying as she landed in a heap on the cold ground.

Rey scrambled in the dirt for her lantern, praying the flint hadn't fallen out of its little compartment. _There!_ She could see the metal glinting just off the path. She went for it, arm outstretched--

A low growl ripped through the air, causing the hair on the back of her neck to stand on end. Rey froze where she was. Sound seemed to die around her save for the thundering of her heart and the heavy pants of _something_ in the darkness. Slowly she turned, and nearly screamed.

Standing not five feet from her was giant wolf, eyes glinting yellow in the moonlight and fangs bared.

It looked right at her.

Fear took over. She scrambled backwards trying to put as much distance between herself and hulking beast. All the while her mind was screaming at her to _get away_ to _run_.

But she never got a chance.

The wolf lunged, powerful jaws snapping at her leg. She kicked out, trying to catch it in the nose. Branches scratched at her hands and face as she half-ran, half-crawled. Suddenly the wolf snapped it's mighty jaws. She was jerked backwards and pain like she never knew erupted--hitting her so hard she couldn't tell where on her body it was coming from.

A scream tore from her throat and her nails dug into the still hard ground beneath her. Her entire vision was filled with fur and fangs and fury. The beast shook her ankle from side to side as loud snapping noises rent the air. Finally it released her, eyes gleaming as it focused on her neck.

Rey threw her hands up to protect her face as the monster lunged, knowing it was useless. Death had come for her.

Eyes squeezed shut she didn't see what happened next. All she heard was the pained yip and a crack as loud as thunder. She fell back into the ground, heart pounding and chest heaving as the great animal lay in a heap next to her, still as death and it's life blood pooling around her, oddly warming against the chill of the night.

A man stood before her, a blood ax in hand.

* * *

 

The world came back to her slowly. The dull ache in her ankle was first, followed by the all together more pleasant feeling of a feather mattress beneath her and soft, clean furs above her. She was warm and comfortable, and the light of a fire flickered just beyond her closed eyelids.

After a long moment she managed to open her eyes, and was met with surprise. She had thought, perhaps, she would awaken in Brother Luke's cottage, and though she _was_ in a cottage, it certainly was not his. The room she was in seemed to be all there was to it, but the small size belied the luxury. Rey appeared to be in a large bed built into the wooden wall. Across the room was a huge fireplace, with a large table between. The walls were lined with shelves holding all manner of things--bolts of fabric, furs, glass and metal objects, crockery and foodstuffs. Even books. Drying herbs hung from the rafters, along with a few knots of garlic. The floors were covered with rich, vibrant carpets the likes of which she'd only seen in Mother Superior Leia's private quarters.

Next to the bed there was a small stool with what appeared to be a jug of water. Pushing up on the palms of her hands, Rey struggled to sit. A shadow suddenly lurched across the room towards her. Rey shrank back, visions of fangs and claws flashing in her mind.

A man appeared before, filling the entire room it seemed--he was so big and broad. Taller than any man she'd ever seen with wide shoulders and legs like tree trunks. Wild dark hair fell in a mockery of a halo around a shadow-shrouded face. She must have made a noise, a whimper, because the man froze where he was before swiftly dropping to a crouch next to the bed, making himself smaller and less frightening.

"Where am I?" She managed to croak out, her throat throbbing and raw with thirst.

He watched her for a long moment without answering, uncanny black eyes blinking slowly. Finally, he spoke.

"You're my guest."

His voice was deep and soothing, like a bottomless forest lake. Rey felt her muscles un-clench, her body relaxing almost instinctively at the sound.

With movements more gracefully than a man his size should be able to perform, he poured her a mug of water and carefully brought it to her lips. Rey eyed it--unsure if she should take something from a man virtually unknown to her.

"Drink," he urged, sensing her hesitation.

Her raw throat gave a sympathetic throb; one she was unable to ignore. The moment the cool liquid touched her lips, it soothed and she found herself greedily gulping down the water until he pulled the cup away.

"Slow, slow. Don't make yourself ill."

He turned to set the cup down, and she caught his profile in the firelight. Rey stifled a gasp. He was younger than she expected and startlingly handsome--an aquiline nose, sharp jaw, and heavy brows offered a frame for his dark eyes and full lips. His features were big--like the rest of him, it seemed--and his face should have looked odd. But all his features together was striking and, well, beautiful. He reminded Rey of the murals adorning the chapel walls--of Roman martyrs and Barbarian saints.

She turned away from him quickly, embarrassed by her whimsical thoughts.

"You saved my life," she murmured, concentrating on the way her fingers combed through the soft fur on her lap instead of _him_.

"I heard your screams." The statement should have been straightforward, but his voice was oddly pained. "You'll stay here until your ankle is healed."

Rey jerked her head up at his pronouncement. "No! I have go back to Alderaan castle--they'll be worried about me."

By now they must have realized she hadn't come back from Brother Luke's. Would Leia send a search party? Dread twisted in her gut at the thought of the other sisters out in the woods, prey to the wolves and other creatures that lurked there.

He shook his head. "Out of the question. You can't walk."

She cast around for a solution. It was true--though she hadn't yet tried to put pressure on her ankle, the continuous, throbbing told her she'd never support her weight on it. Still, if she stayed here, her reputation would ruined.

She could lose her her place at the convent if enough sister thought she'd be compromised.

"You carried me here, didn't you? Can't you carry me to the castle?"

He shook his head. "Alderaan is not for me. I won't go there."

"But--"

"My decision is final," he snapped, pushing away from floor and rising to his full height.

Rey frowned, but tried not to let his massive size frighten her--surely if he wanted to hurt her, he would have done so already. Fine, he wouldn't take her? She would just have to figure it out on her own.

"At least tell me your name, then. You must have one."

He watched her for a long moment, and Rey had the peculiar feeling that he was trying to read something in her face. Finally, he responded.

"Kylo Ren."


	2. April, Last Quarter Moon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! I'm posting a day earlier than planned (I'm aiming for updating every monday) because I've got a busy day tomorrow. I want to thank everyone who left comments, kudos, or bookmarked the last chapter! I was so surprised / happy by all the support. I was a little worried ya'll would be weirded out by the religious angle...but I'm glad you're not, haha! 
> 
> Anyway, please let me know if there's anything you'd like me to cover in the glossary section. Happy reading!

_April, Last Quarter Moon_

"We must give thanks to the Virgin and St. Raphael for your quick recovery, Rey." Sister Amilyn murmured as she bent over the younger woman's exposed ankle.

Rey sat on an sturdy wooden stool, her novice robes hiked up around her knees, while her once injured ankle rested in the older sister's lap. The afternoon light pooled around them, and Rey could see the lilac hue of Amilyn's habit.

"We'll say a thanksgiving mass on Sunday," Mother Superior Leia agreed from her place behind the ornate desk.

Rey looked down at her ankle studying the flesh that had been so recently ravaged by sharp teeth.  Now only two crescent scars, moon-bright against his skin, told the story of her attack.

"It gives you no pain?" Amilyn asked, twisting the joint this way and that, stretching the muscles.

A cheery fire roared in the hearth behind them, keeping the evening chill at bay. Rey had been brought to Mother Superior's chambers the second she arrived at the convent gates, a few nights ago. After a preliminary examination of her leg, she was sent to bed with a promise of a more serious discussion to come.

Rey supposed this was that discussion.

She shook her head in answer to Amilyn. "No. Except it aches a little in the cold."

The two older nuns exchanged a look, and Leia pursed her lips. She knew what they were thinking--how was it possible that her leg was healed as if it was a years-old wound when she'd only been missing a handful of days?

She didn't know, either, honestly. Under Kylo's dark, watchful gaze her bones had knit themselves back together, her skin and veins fusing as the trauma erased itself.

Perhaps it had been a miracle. Perhaps it was witchcraft, as she knew some of the older nuns feared.

"Thank you, Amilyn. That will be all," Leia said, sending the other woman out of the room.

After the door closed, she leveled her gaze at Rey. "Tell me again what happened."

Rey swallowed. "Well...I..."

The rehearsed words spilled from her mouth more easily every time she said them, but they still stuck in her throat when she first tried to speak. She hadn't told a soul about Kylo. About how he saved her, nor how she spent, well, too much time in his bed, being nursed back to health. It wasn't that she was wicked, or, really, that there was anything to hide. Nothing untoward happened but...

She couldn't lose her place at the convent--austere as it was, it was the only home she'd ever known. Lying was a sin, but she'd spend the rest of her life saying  _Pater Nosters_  and  _Ave Marias_  to make up for it. If anyone learned she'd spent time alone with a man--let alone a man who was not a cleric--she could be cast out.

"It's okay, take you time," Leia encouraged.

"I was attacked by a wolf. I hit it with my walking stick, and I don't know if I killed it, or if it simply ran away. My ankle hurt so badly. I managed to make my way to an abandoned cabin. I...don't really remember what happened after. I woke and my leg was healed well enough to make my way back to the convent."

_Large, rough hands cupped her ankle, making the limb look delicate by comparison. Calloused fingertips ran up and down her skin, checking for breaks. Rey shivered, unable to ignore the sparks that flowed along the path of his touch._

_"You're nearly healed." He murmured, eyes flicking up to meet hers._

_Rey sucked in a breath at his solemn words. "How is that possible?"_

_He shrugged, but didn't let go of her leg, his fingers lingering, his touch changing from investigating to stroking. Heat rose to her face as Rey jerked her leg out of his grip and tugged her skirt down._

_If he was offended by her reaction, he didn't show it. Instead, Kylo stood to his full height. "I'll bring you back to your convent in the morning."_

"Rey? Sister Rey? Did you hear me?" Leia's voice pulled Rey from her memories.

"I'm sorry, Mother Superior. What did you ask?"

Leia frowned a little, but didn't chastise her. "Do you remember anyone--man or woman--who gave you aid?"

She shook her head. "No. There was...no one."

She couldn't tell if Leia believed her--in fact, she felt distinctly as if she didn't. But instead of calling attention to the impossibilities of her story, the abbess merely nodded and began writing down Rey's account.

It would have been easier, she supposed, if she lied and said she saw the Virgin or any other number of saints who watched over their corner of the world. It would explain the rapid healing, and it would make her sound more credible to Mother Superior and the other nuns. But she couldn't bring herself to do that.

There wasn't enough penance in the world for faking a miracle.

* * *

Rey pushed closed the heavy wooden door of her cell, happy to have a few moments alone. It was after supper and the chapter meeting was finally finished for the evening. The sun had already set behind the great sea of trees. She quickly lit the fire in the small fireplace across from her bed, bringing light to the small chamber.

She looked around the room. It wasn't much, but it was her own. The narrow rope bed took up most of the space. A few pegs were hammered into the wall so she could hang her clothes--one summer set, and two for winter--plus a small washstand with an earthenware basin and pitcher. A simple wooden crucifix hung above her bed, and a small chest stood at the foot. The stone walls were bare of vibrant tapestries which would have kept the chill out, and likewise the stone floors were devoid of rugs.

Crossing the room in a few quick steps, she went to the window, intending to lock the shutter and keep in the fire's warmth. She hadn't thought she'd left it open, but then again the latch was sometimes fickle, especially if the north winds were blowing.

As she reached for the casement, she froze, chills racing up her spine. Along the window sill were three of the most beautiful ivory jars she'd ever seen, intricately carved with floral swoops and swirls. Next to them was a small loaf of bread wrapped in a cheesecloth. Hands shaking, she began to open them. The first held a thick cloud of clotted cream. The second, a dark red jam. The final jar revealed honey spiced with cinnamon and star anise.

Rey gasped, nearly dropping the precious object. He'd been here. In her room.

Kylo.

She looked around, her head snapping from side to side, as if she'd still find him here hiding in the corner or lurking under the bed. Impossible. He would never have been let in through the gatehouse. And there was no way he could have scaled the sheer castle walls to her chamber, set almost as high as the treeline beyond, even if he somehow knew which window was hers. 

But how else did these luxuries appear in her room? Luxuries that she'd tasted for the first time in his cabin, by his hand. She eyed the little jars, the sweet aromas filling her nose, summoning to mind the fire-lit room of his home.

_The second time she woke, the man--Kylo Ren--was sitting on the floor with his back against the bed, his long legs stretched out in front of him. His shadow-dark hair was almost close enough to touch, Rey thought, all she'd have to do was reach out her fingers, and then she'd know if it was as soft as it looked. He hadn't left her side as far as she could tell, always watching her with those dark, soulful eyes._

_As if sensing her thoughts, he turned, eyes locking on hers. She could see herself reflected in their endless depths, and it gave her a strange feeling deep in her stomach. Almost as if she was falling. Almost as if something was calling to her._

_"You're awake."_

_Without waiting for her response, he offered her a thick slice of bread, slathered in what appeared to be honey and clotted cream._

_"Eat."_

_She thought about arguing--she would_ never _be allowed such luxurious food at the convent, save maybe at Easter. But just as she opened her mouth, her stomach let out a loud rumble. Blushing, she dutifully took the bread--toasted to perfection, she now saw--from him. Their fingers brushed as she did so._

_She tried to ignore it, the way his skin made her skin heat and spark._

_Her mouth watered with the sweet scent of honey and cream. She took a bite and let out a low moan, her eyes closing. She'd never had anything so sweet, so thick and decedent. Rey wolfed the slice of toast down in record time, and licked the crumbs from her fingers._

_"Another."_

_She nodded, accepting the next slice of toast, this time laden with clotted cream and jam. Rey could feel him watching her--Kylo Ren's stare was a heavy thing. His gaze lingering on her lips, her face, as she scarfed down the food. Abruptly he crowded in towards her, filling her entire field of vision with his broad shoulders and handsome face._

_She froze._

_With surprising gentleness, he touched his thumb to the corner of her mouth. Again her skin heated at the contact. She jerked back, startled by the feeling and unnerved by his nearness. It was hard to tell in the warm glow of the fire, but she thought his face heated at her reaction._

_"Honey." He rumbled, holding his thumb up between them._

Rey shook her head, clearing the memory. She'd almost convinced herself it was a dream, but the evidence on her window proved the contrary.

Lord in Heaven but the bread smelled good. She knew she  _shouldn't_. That it was gluttony, and uncharitable, and probably half a dozen other sins. But she still found herself tearing into the loaf and dunking it into the difference spreads.

Rey closed her eyes and let out a low moan of delight.

Behind her lids, a pair of dark eyes stared back at her.

* * *

The sound of a twig snapping ricocheted through the quiet forest.

Rey whirled around, the small dagger Leia gave her held out to ward off another wolf.

Instead, she found herself face to face with Kylo Ren.

He looked different in the sunlight--more human somehow. Softer. He was still taller than her by a head and then some, still impossibly broad across his chest and shoulders. His dark hair was pulled back in a half-queue, tied back with a bit of leather. He wore dark leather trousers tucked into boots of the same make and color, and a white linen shirt, open at the collar, revealing a wide expanse of chest and pale, smooth skin.

She tried to ignore the way her stomach flipped at the sight of his ...his ... _nakedness_. It was  _wrong._ She was a bride of Christ--or at least, she would be, someday. She shouldn't look at  _him_  and she shouldn't have such thoughts, such reactions. And yet...

And yet she ate the jam and clotted cream and honey he left. And yet she'd lied to Mother Superior about his existence. A lie of omission was still a lie, after all.

"What are you doing here?" He demanded, taking another step closer to her--heedless, it seemed of the blade pointed in his direction.

He didn't stop his approach and she quickly sheathed her weapon, not wanting to actually stab him. She didn't think she could add the burden of murder to her conscience on top of everything else.

Though his mere presence made the hair on the back of her neck stand on end, she knew he wasn't a threat.

Hopefully.

"Mother asked me to deliver supplies to the hermit," she finally answered. 

It had been hard to convince Leia that she was okay resuming her duties to the hermitage. But in the end, she’d promised to leave Brother Luke’s well before dark, and not linger in the woods as she was want to do. 

And of course, to carry the beautiful little dagger Leia handed over with nothing more than a weary sigh.

The leaves rustled at his movement, though she had the distinct feeling that it was only because he allowed them too. 

He was in front of her now, barely a foot away. She could...she could  _smell_  him. Not in a bad way--he smelled woodsy, like the evergreen trees around them, and a bit like leather, no doubt because of his clothes, but also a musky, masculine scent that she recognized from the cozy bed in his cabin. His bed.

"Mother?" Kylo cocked his head to the side, jaw clenched and nostrils flaring. "I thought you were a nun."

Why was he so perturbed about this? He had brought her to the edge of the forest, not half a league away from Alderaan monastery. Everyone knew Leia Organa was the abbess there.

Rey frowned. "I am. Well, I mean, I will be. I'm a novitiate. Under Mother Superior Leia's care."

" _Care_?" He snarled. "You shouldn't be here!"

Rey took a step back, unnerved by his sudden ire. Her foot hit the uneven ground of the forest. She had strayed from the path. Or, rather, he had herded her off of it. What was wrong with him? Why was he being so...so intense?

"Here? In the forest you mean?"

Instead of letting her retreat, he followed her. She felt the rough bark of a tree scrape against her back and Rey swallowed hard. Kylo was in front of her, not  _quite_  touching, but so, so close. Her heart thundered in her chest. Her head swam at his nearness. She could count the number of men she knew on one hand--brother Luke, of course, and the old priest who performed the sacraments for the abbey, and  _him_ , Kylo Ren.

"Wolves mate for life."

"I'm sorry?"

"Wolves. They mate for life," His tone became soft and low. "You were attacked by a male. I killed him, but his female may still be nearby."

"So wouldn't  _you_  be in danger then? Since you're the one who killed him?"

Kylo almost smiled. "She'll be able to smell your blood on her mate's corpse." He paused, his gaze following down the lines of her body before returning to her face. "You're smaller than I. An easier target for an angry she-wolf, I think."

Rey didn't like how close he was, how he was looking at her. Well, she didn't like how it made her feel. Queer and queasy in the very pit of her stomach.

Jutting her chin forward, she slammed both palms against his shoulder and pushed past him.

"Just who do you think you are?" She snarled, feeling bolder now that he was the one with his back to a tree. "You think because you saved me, you own my life now? That you can tell me what to do? What I do is none of your business!"

Teeth bared she whirled around and continued on the path. After a moment, she realized he was shadowing her, keeping to the path, but walking a few paces behind.

She stopped abruptly and crossed her arms over her chest. "What do you think you're doing?"

"If you don't have the good sense to leave, then It's my duty to make sure you're safe." His voice was silken, but she could feel the anger behind his words. And the steel of his resolve. 

"Your duty! Your duty is to fu--Hey! Stop that! Let go!"

Kylo marched forward and tugged on her upper arm, propelling her down the forest path. "Come on, you're going to be late."

Rey scowled, but let him lead her through the trees, all the while trying to ignore the rapid beat of her heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Glossary:  
> Liturgy of Hours: the way time was (and still is) organized in religious life, broken into about 3 hour segments  
> Matins / Vigils / Nocturns: night prayers, usually midnight  
> Lauds: 3am  
> Prime: 6am  
> Terce: 9am  
> Sext: 12pm  
> None: 3pm  
> Vespers: 6pm  
> Compline: 9pm


	3. May, Waning Crescent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies! Happy Monday! The alternative title to this chapter is "Rey's Sexual Awakening". I hope you enjoy it!

" _ Ave Maria, gratia plena, _

_ Dominus tecum. _

_ Benedicta tu in mulieribus, _

_ et benedictus fructus ventris tui, Iesus. _

_ Sancta Maria, Mater Dei, _

_ Ora pro nobis peccatoribus, _

_ nunc et in hora mortis nostrae. _

_ Amen." _

Rey fingered the next bead on her rosary and tried to ignore the ache in her knees that was traveling its way up to her lower back. Though summer was approaching, the night air was freezing. Still, she had left her knit shawl in her room, and wore only her light linen nightgown.

_ "Ave Maria, gratia plena, _

_ Dominus tecum _ ..."

Silence reigned throughout the abbey as the nuns slumbered between Nocturns and Lauds. Rey knelt in one of the side-chapels, set in a small alcove off of the main nave. Though she'd lit a number of candles around the base of the statue of the Virgin, the room still flickered in heavy shadows.

Rey had been coming to the chapel every night for the past week, counting her rosary to  _ Ave Maria _ and  _ Pater Noster. _ She had to. Try as she might, she couldn’t banish thoughts of a certain, tall and handsome stranger from her mind. 

_ She hadn't expected the gifts to continue after the jars and bread. And she rather wished she had mentioned them to Kylo last time she saw him. They were...inappropriate. _

_ And tempting. _

_ Rey knelt in front of the small wooden chest at the foot of her bed and carefully lifted the lid. Pushing aside her second set of bed linens, and her winter cloak, she unearthed the little ivory jars. Nestled inside were other...gifts. A bracelet with pretty polished stones from a river, a small wooden figure carved in the shape of a wolf, baying at the moon. The craftsmanship on both were exquisite. The stones were all a milky, luminous white strung on threads of silk. She didn't know what metal the clasp was, but it was heavy and cool to the touch. The wolf was carved from some dark, hard wood, each detail carefully carved and highlighted with delicate slivers of the same stone as the bracelet. _

_ Rey wasn't sure how to feel about the last gift. It was beautiful but wolves made her uneasy. Especially after the attack. _

_ She knew beyond a doubt that Kylo had left them--though _ how  _ was another story. They never showed up at the same time of day, but she was so rarely in her room that it was hard to judge. No men had entered the monastery--word of a man would have spread like wildfire between the sisters. _

_ Rey frowned as she fingered the bracelet. She wished she could display these pretty things. Set the wolf on her window sill so that it really could howl at the moon; wear the bracelet under the sleeves of her habit. _

_But she wasn't supposed to own_ _things. Technically, all her clothing, the furniture in her room, even the soap she washed her face and hair with, wasn't hers. It was owned by the convent. When she'd first come to Alderaan, the very clothes she wore were taken away and she was given a small novice robe. If anyone saw her little wolf or the bracelet, questions would be raised._

_ Even more worrying her lie to Mother Superior might unravel. _

_ But why was he leaving her these things? Why had he appeared in the forest, ready to lead her to Luke's and back? Didn't have other things to do? She didn't quite understand _ what  _ he did, but surely he had to obtain food and supplies somehow. _

_ How did he seem to find her, no matter if there was a great forest or a mighty fortress between them? _

Rey shook her head, clearing it of non-prayerful thoughts. She moved to the next bead.

_ Ave Maria, gratia plena, _

_ Dominus tecum... _

Her gaze drifted from the serene face of the Virgin to the vibrant, golden murals decorating the walls behind. Saint Lucy with her eyes on a platter, Saint Catherine with her wheel. Saint Sebastian, his muscular body stretched from a tree, shot through with arrows. She paused on the last image, studying the details. Strong legs--calves and thighs like trees--a solid torso rippling with muscles. Arms so thick she wondered why he didn't just rip the bindings from the branch and run. Dark hair surrounded a handsome, angelic face. Only a small drape of cloth covered...the private part of his body.

She understood now why the older novitiates tittered and giggled when they passed this chapel.

Rey studied Saint Sebastian's face--the full red lips and strong lines of his jaw and nose. She shivered. He looked like Kylo. Is that what his body would look like too, striped of clothing? So strong and taut with muscle?

Her mouth continued praying, the words coming to her by rote, as her mind was inundated with images of Kylo Ren.

_ Benedicta tu in mulieribus, _

_ et benedictus fructus ventris tui, Iesus. _

She had seen a large expanse of his bare chest when she'd run into him in the forest, and felt the strength and power of his body when he'd carried her. She'd been out of her mind with pain, but she remembered how safe she'd felt, cradled in his arms; how gentle he'd been when he tended to her wound.

_ Ora pro nobis peccatoribus, _

_ nunc et in hora mortis nostrae. _

Despite the chill, her face and neck flushed hot, her stomach tightening at the memories. It was a strange feeling, tight and hot and, and...wet  _ lower _ . She looked at Saint Sebastian, really studying the lines of his body. She imagined Kylo standing before her, nude save for the band of cloth. What would he do? What would his skin feel like, and the muscles beneath?

A loud  _ bang _ echoed through the room and Rey jumped. Head snapping to the side she saw nothing but her own reflection in the window--face pale but two red splotches high on her cheeks.  _ It's probably a bat hitting the window _ .

Or God telling her to stop fixating on men and get back to praying.

Rey sighed, and backed up five beads on her rosary.

_ Ave Maria, gratia plena, _

_ Dominus tecum... _   
  


* * *

 

_ I should return the gifts. Or, at least, tell him to stop sending them _ .

The thought repeated over and over again in Rey's mind as she made her way carefully through the castle. After sext, most of the nuns laid down to rest, given grueling schedule of nightly prayers. it was the best time to sneak out, but there was always the danger of running into someone on their way to chapel.

Rey made her way down a curving staircase and moved quickly through the connecting cloister, her heart hammering in her chest the whole time. Finally she made it to the cellar door, where, halfway down the landing was a tunnel that led outside. The tunnel was pitch black, but she knew her way through. Keeping one hand carefully on the cool earthen wall, she quickly walked down the sloping path. A small dot of white appeared at the very end, and she headed for it. After about five minutes she suddenly broke through a thick covering of foliage and found herself at the foot of the castle's sheer, high walls.

This was the most dangerous part--well, the most dangerous for getting caught. Her red cloak stuck out vibrantly against the green meadow that separated the convent from the forest. Dashing forward, she angled herself not for the path to Brother Luke's but to the spot where Kylo had led her when he returned her to the nunnery.

Once she finally reached the tree line, she stopped to catch her breath. Rey had no idea where Kylo might be and the forest itself was vast. Still, she supposed she would retrace their steps to his cabin, and if he wasn't there--well...She couldn't wait too long, least she be missed at Alderaan.

Shaking her head, she set off in the general direction. If he wasn't there, she'd just have to figure something else out.

It was surprisingly easy to navigate through the forest, retracing the path Kylo had led her on. She paused as she reached a forked tree, marking two different trails through the woods. Rey was sure they had come from the right, but her instincts were telling her to go left. After a moment of indecision, she went left. A few minutes later, she broke through the tree-line to a clearing. A small lake stood at its center, the water dark and ringed with weeping willows and tall, verdant grass.

Kylo stood in the water, his broad, pale black turned to her. She watched, hypnotized, as water sluiced down the hard muscles beneath his skin as he slicked his dark hair back. A soft breeze blew around her, causing tendrils of her own hair to snap and whip around her face.

In the water, Kylo's entire body when rigid, frozen, before he slowly turned to face her.

"Rey."

She swallowed, unprepared for the sight of him. A slow, hungry smile spread across his face and Kylo began stalking towards her. Rey watched, rooted to the spot in abject fascination and, if she was being honest with herself, appreciation, as the dark water lapped--nay, caressing--against his skin, down his stomach, to the sharp edges of his hips, finally getting tangled in the crisp black hair of his lower body.

" _ Oh _ ."

She had been wrong. Kylo didn't just look like Saint Sebastian; he  _ was _ the mural come to life. The world around him seemed to confirm it, as the afternoon light glowed golden around him, highlighting the alabaster of his skin, the lines of muscle moving under flesh.

Her eyes traveled downward, drawn inevitably to the place she had found herself most curious about. In  _ that _ way, she supposed, he was different from the mural.

Kylo wore no cloth around his waist to shield a delicate gaze from his body. Even if he had, the water would have render it useless. Rey's eyes widened as she saw his...his  _ manhood _ . Hanging heavily between his legs as he came ever closer. It was thick as her wrist, at least, and more flushed that the rest of his body.

With a squeak, her entire face flamed and she quickly spun around, giving her back to him. Holy Mary, Mother of God, she'd have to confess the multitude of sins that just flashed through her mind.

She could feel him behind her, though he didn't speak. Heat rolled off of him like fire from a blacksmith's forge. His woodsy, masculine scent surrounded her and she found herself breathing deeply.

"You were looking for me."

She could feel the deep timbre of his voice reverberate in her chest, and her entire body felt too hot, too tight, too...too... _ needy _ . Yes, that was it. Like hunger, but every inch of her was crying out for his touch.

"I wanted," she paused, her voice too high and thin for her liking. She cleared her throat. "I wanted to say that--"

Rey froze as she felt him lift her hair way from her neck, pushing it over her shoulder so it cascaded down to her stomach.

"I know what you want."

One single fingertip traced the notches of her spine from the base of her hair down to laces of her gown. Rey shivered, the feather-light touch on her skin sending it alight with awareness. Her breasts felt achy, heavy, and her nipples tightened almost painfully.

She could feel his warm breath on the nape of her neck. He must be so close, close enough to kiss her skin if he chose. She shivered again, her entire body breaking into a riot of gooseflesh.

"Turn around, Rey."

"I can't." Her voice was weak.

Though she protested, her body obeyed and she slowly spun around.  _ Jesu Christi _ . She had been right; he was only a hair's breadth away from her. She struggled to breath, her chest heaving and heart pounding. With each desperate inhale, the aching tips of her breasts brushed against his wet chest.

Water spread across her linen gown, no doubt turning it transparent in the warm afternoon light. Yet despite the chilled fabric, she felt so,  _ so _ warm. Flushed from her toes to her hairline.

Rey knew she should care; that she should fight against the  _ luxuria _ flooding her body. But all her willpower was focused on not looking too closely at the large member between his legs or getting caught in his dark, hypnotic gaze.

She felt his touch before she realized he moved. His fingers gently cupping her chin, tilting her gaze upwards. "Look at me, sweetling."

Their eyes met, and she couldn't breath.

"You came looking for me." His voice was low, soothing in a way that made her limbs feel heavy and her head light.

Rey nodded. Why had she needed to speak with him?

She felt as if she were watching what happened next from above, out of her body. Kylo bent his head slowly, his warm breath hitting her lips. Her eyes fluttered closed as his mouth touched hers. Rey's knees buckled, and she clung to him, her fingers curled around his mighty biceps, their bodies colliding and molding together in  _ una caro-- _ one flesh--as he anchored one strong arm around her waist, the other caging her face.

Please exploded through her body, instant and furious like a lightning strike.

He deepened the kiss, sweeping his tongue into her mouth, exploring and teasing. A deep sound rumbled in his chest, a growl--almost--but somehow  _ pleased _ . Rey whimpered as pleasure flooded her body, rushing down her throat like liquid gold until she felt her entire being aglow.

Her body ached; her stomach clenched and unclenched and she found herself rubbing her legs together to try to ease the feeling. The wet fabric of her gown and the heat of his skin upbraided her breasts, and the tight buds of her nipples until they were throbbing with something sweeter than pain.

As she welcoming him into her mouth, and basked in the crushing embrace of his arms around her, she felt something hard and hot press against her belly.

She froze, shocked as much as if cold water and been thrown on her by a disapproving angel. He was...he was aroused. That  _ thing _ between his legs was stiff and swollen, ready to breech her body and lay claim to her maidenhead. What was worse, her body felt ready for his intrusion--wet and swollen and needy as a wanton whore. 

Panic and shame raced each other through her veins as she jerked away from him. 

Shame won out as she realized he could see her breasts and the dark thatch of hair between her legs beneath the soaked fabric of her habit. 

"Sweetling?" He asked, his slumberous gaze snapping to something more aware and predatory in a moment. "Rey?"

She pushed away from him. "I have to go!"

"Rey, wait!" He called. 

But she didn't. Instead she charged headfirst into the woods, not daring to look behind her least she be bewitched back into his arms. 

_ Maria mater Dei, what have I done? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the comments, kudos, and reads on the last chpater <3
> 
> Glossary:   
> Luxuria--Lust, one of the seven deadly sins  
> Una Caro--"one flesh". A term often used in medieval theology to discuss marriage as well as the incarnation of Christ.   
> The prayer Rey says is the Hail Mary. The translation is:  
> Hail Mary, full of grace,   
> The Lord is with you.   
> Blessed are thou among women,  
> and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.  
> Holy Mary, Mother of God,  
> Pray for us sinners,   
> Now in the hour of our death.  
> Amen.


	4. June, New Moon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What up ladies (and gents)! I told depression to fuck off so I could update this story. I hope you like this latest installment--the plot is starting to kick off. As always, see the end for notes about Latin.

_ June, New Moon _

The dawn light filtered through the arched stained glass windows, spilling a riot of colors across the stone floor of the nave. The nuns were arranged in their choir stalls as Mother Superior and the old convent priest, Father Pio, processed with the Eucharist in a golden, sunburst monstrance. Thick incense filled the massive space, the sweet smelling clouds mingling with the light. 

Leia and the priest approached the high altar, and set the monstrance down before she took her seat at the center of the choir. 

It was feast of  _ Corpus Christi _ . Rey sighed, and settled in for the Mass. It would be a long one, and she was tired, having only gone to bed after Lauds, when she’d finished her clandestine prayers..She'd gone every night since she'd met Kylo at the lake. 

Since he'd kissed her. 

She couldn't stop thinking of it. Of the way her body grew hot and achy at his touch. She'd wake in the middle of night, tangled in her sheets,  _ something _ tight and hot but so, so fleeting burning between her legs. Always it melted away like mist in the morning light just as she regained consciousness. 

And then she'd flee to the chapel, to prostrate herself before the Holy Mother as Saint Sebastian's warm, dark gaze watched her from the shadows. 

" _ Charissimi filiae in Christo, vos super omnibus benedictiones sit, _ " the priest began. "Today we celebrate the real presence of our Lord and Savior in the Eucharist, and His presence in your body as we celebrate Holy Mass..."

Rey closed her eyes, letting the priest’s words wash over her. It was the same homily she'd heard every year for  _ Corpus Christi _ and she could practically recite it word for word at this point: how the the bread and wine turned into the body and blood of Christ after the priest said mass. That it was a miracle that happened every day. 

Rey was dubious about that--how could man force a miracle to happen? But the one time she'd asked Sister Louise Marie, she'd gotten slapped and sent to bed without supper for spouting such heresy. She hadn't been brave enough to bring it up with Brother Luke or Mother Superior Leia, though she thought, perhaps, they would have discussed it with her before chastising her for heresy. 

But what exactly did it mean to take a man's body into her own? Unbidden, the image of Kylo naked and wet flashed through her mind. His  _ manhood _ had been aroused--hard and thick and ready--while her body was...wet and receptive. 

Rey shivered at the thought. She'd seen animals around the convent coupling. Was that what humans did as well? Would she need to be on her hands and knees, and him mount her from behind? 

The image of him--his big body looming and curling over her--made her flush from toes to hairline. She squirmed in the hard wooden seat, trying to ease the heavy ache between her legs. She shouldn't be thinking about such things--in the chapel during Mass, no less! God would surely strike her down for such depraved thoughts. 

And yet...

Her mind wandered, merging with the sermon and the dizzying memories from the forest pond. One didn't take the body of Christ in their body like a woman welcoming a man. Could she...did women take men in their mouths as well? Her mind boggled at the thought. At the logistics of it. Kylo had appeared so...so large. Would  _ that _ even fit in her mouth? Sister Bazine had once shown the novitiates an illustrated book that her cousin in Constantinople had sent her. Apparently it was all the rage in the eastern courts. Inside were scandalous drawings of men and women in amorous embrace, and Rey thought she remembered an image of a woman on her knees, taking a man's shaft into her mouth. Her eyes had been closed in surrender, and the man's hands buried in her hair. Would Kylo--

The loud  _ bang _ of the chapel door startled the entire room, making Rey and the sisters jump. The aged Father Pio continued with his homily as if he hadn't heard a thing. 

He probably hadn't. 

The sisters began to whisper, the low murmur growing until Rey craned her neck to see what, or rather, who had arrived. 

A tall figure in a long black robe walked slowly up the main aisle. A shock of red hair standing out in his otherwise pale face. 

" _ domini canes, _ " one of the older sisters whispered, spitting on the stone floor. "A dominican." 

A shiver of ice ran down Rey's spine. The dominican friars were the known Europe over for their success in rooting out and burning heretics. One arriving at Alderaan was a dark herald. 

* * *

"Mother Superior tells me that you recently survived a wolf attack."

Rey stared at the sallow, narrow face and glittering cold green eyes of the black-robed inquisitor. He had made himself at home, sitting behind the abbess' desk. And though the light from the stained glass windows behind him brought a certain warmth to the room, this man maintained an air of ice.

She hadn't understood why Sister Amilyn had once again fetched her to Mother Superior's office, but once she'd entered and saw the strange, dark-robed man, she knew it was nothing good. The friar had been lurking around the convent for the past week--silent, observing. The sisters whispered among themselves, but none could guess why he'd come. The atmosphere had been so tense that she was told not to bring Luke his monthly supplies. 

A reprieve of sorts, that. 

Rey glanced at Leia, who stood a few paces away at the fire place, but the older woman didn't look at her. 

Definitely not good.

"Yes," she answered, as unease crept up her spine. She shifted in the hard wooden chair and tried to keep her eyes from darting around Leia's quarters. Something told her she had best keep her gaze on the man in front of her. 

"And the bite healed within days of the attack?" He continued, his voice low and almost uninterested. 

Rey swallowed. Despite his casual tone, the hungry look in his eyes frightened her. "Yes, my lord inquisitor." 

He clucked his tongue at her words. 

"Now, now, child. No need for such titles. I am Friar Hux." He paused, nostrils flaring. "There's no need to be frightened. I simply...investigate reports that catch our Holy Father's attention in Rome." 

He had come all the way from Rome? The hard knot in her stomach tightened at the implications.

"And you're here to investigate my bite?" Rey frowned, realizing too late that she shouldn't talk back to him. 

Instead of reproaching her, inquisitor Hux merely smiled, though it did not reach his eyes. He looked down at the sheaf of parchments in her hand, and absently shuffled through the leaves. 

"Tell me, Sister Rey, what phase of the moon do you experience your menses?" 

Rey started, eyes wide, but before she could manage to get her answer out, Leia spoke. 

"Inquisitor Hux, is that really necessary?" 

Hux snapped his icy, tight-lipped smile towards the Mother Superior. "I assure you, madame, I ask with the utmost respect." He turned it attention back to Rey. "Well, sister? I assume you've begun your courses."

Rey nodded. "Yes...every new moon."

She remembered the first time she'd begun bleeding--she'd awakened in a puddle of her own blood and screamed, sure she was dying. The commotion sent half the convent running for her chamber. The older nuns had laughed when they realized what was happening, while Rey sat in shame and terror. Finally Leia had kindly explained the mysteries of women's bodies. That in order to carry children, a woman's body became fertile once during a moon cycle. As the phases of the moon lasted a full month, it meant that one month of the lunar year a woman would be ripe for pregnancy. As a trade off, during the opposite month of the lunar year, women bled when they're bodies realized they were not with child. But why the friar wanted to know such things eluded Rey. 

Perhaps he had only asked to punish her for talking back to him.

Hux simply raised one eyebrow at her answer. "So you were not bleeding when the beast attacked you?"

Rey shook her head, baffled.  

"And you healed,  _ completely _ , over the course of three days? With no help?" He pressed. 

Rey looked again at Leia, and though the abbess returned her look with sympathy, she didn't intervene again. 

Rey took a deep breath, and recited the story she'd told Leia months ago. "I was attacked by a wolf. I hit it with my walking stick, and I don't know if I killed it, or if it simply ran away. My ankle hurt so badly. I managed to make my way to an abandoned cabin. I...don't really remember what happened after. I woke and my leg was healed well enough to make my way back to the convent."

"And no one aided you? You saw no one while you were in that cabin?" Hux asked without pause to consider her words.  

"I don't remember--" 

He cut her off with a wave of his hand. "Surely you would remember if someone helped you. You must have been so frightened. Was it a man? A woman? What did they look like?" 

"I didn't see--" She began, trying her best to combat the man's relentless questioning. 

"Ah, so there was someone who helped you," Hux grinned, satisfied with her answer. "You may not have seen with your  _ eyes, _ of course, but what vision did you have? Who healed you?"

Rey shook her head. The room seemed impossibly hot, as if the walls were pressing in on her. Why was he so certain someone had healed her?

_ Because someone did, _ she thought bitterly. It was like he could taste her lie. 

"Come on, girl. Simply tell me who helped you heal so quickly. It is impossible that a wolf bite healed in three days unless a miracle happened. Or some intervention by the devil--so which was it?"

Rey balked.  _ The devil? _ Lord help her if this man thought she was a heretic or a witch. Such a thing would mean certain death. 

"Tell me!" Hux snarled. 

"Saint Sebastian!" Rey blurted out, desperate to stop the barrage of questions. "Saint Sebastian healed me!"

Hux sat back in the plush armchair. "There now, that wasn't so hard to admit."

Out of the corner of her eye, Rey saw Leia's shoulders slump, but the young woman was too afraid to do anything beyond nod at Hux. 

* * *

Released from Leia's chambers and the penetrating gaze of Inquisitor Hux, Rey hurried down the corridor. The rest of the convent was at supper, but Rey stomach was too queasy to take in food. She needed to confess her lies.  _ All of them _ . The lies she'd told Mother Superior and Sister Amilyn, the lies she told Friar Hux.

Perhaps even the lies she'd told herself. 

Despite the burden of these untruths on her conscious, there was an even darker sin lurking at the root of everything. 

_ Luxuria _ . 

Lust. She'd lied to hide the fact that she'd been in the presence of a layman. That she'd let him touch her body and,  _ Lord _ , she'd let him kiss her. 

And she'd enjoyed it. More than enjoyed it--she couldn't stop thinking about him. About his touch, his kiss. His  _ manhood _ . Even during sacred mass. 

Doing private penance at night wasn't good enough anymore. She needed guidance. 

Skirting around the cloister's corner, she pushed open the chapel door and headed towards the wooden confessional doors. Most churches had a large wooden booth for hearing confession. But Alderaan Castle actually had two small, connected chambers build into the stonel wall of the chapel. An ornate wooden frontpiece marked the doors. The penitent's side was a small cupboard, hung with woolen tapestries and containing a small padded bench. A high up stained-glass window cast an otherworldly light into the small room. There was latticework screen the size of one's face between it and the next chamber, where the priest heard confession. 

Rey slipped inside, and waited. It usually took Father Pio a few minutes to make his way to his own booth. Finally, she heard the telltale sound of the heavy wooden door opening and closing. The bench groaned as the man sat. 

"Bless me father, for I have sinned," Rey murmured, crossing herself. 

The priest said nothing. He must be tired after coming to the confessional booth from whatever else he had been doing. 

"I have committed a great number of sins--lying, deception, falsifying a miracle, but the root of these actions is an even greater sin, one for which I will surely burn:  _ luxuria _ ." Rey paused, waiting to see if he would say anything. When the old priest remained silent, she continued. "I have...I have allowed a man to touch my body. It wasn't sexual, at first. But he kissed me and I...I gazed upon his naked form. I  _ enjoyed _ doing so. Ever since then I have been plagued with lustful thoughts, day and night. Even during Holy Mass. I find myself contemplating what it would be like to be touched by him, to take him into my body--"

" _ Rey _ ." It was a strangled, gasp of her name. A moan, perhaps. 

The sound of  _ his _ voice hit her like a lightning bolt. She sat ramrod straight, eyes wide as her heart pounded in her chest. Father Pio was not here, but  _ he  _  was here.  _ He _ had heard her sordid confession, and certainly knew he was the object of her wicked thoughts. 

In panic, Rey flung the door of her confessional booth open, ready to tear out of the chapel--he couldn't be  _ here _ . It was like two different worlds were collapsing into each other. She made it perhaps two steps before arms like iron bars wrapped around her, hauling her back into the tiny chamber. Kylo dropped her, but crowded her into the the space, blocking any escape.

"What are you doing here?" She hissed, her back hitting the stone wall. "You said you wouldn't come here!"

Kylo leaned forward against the stone, his fists caging her in on either side of her head. Instead of answering, he bent his head until she could feel the heat of his breath on her neck. He inhaled, and let out a soft groan. Rey shivered, her entire body erupting in goose-flesh. 

Rey made to push him away, but instead he captured her hand and held them to his chest. She could feel his steady, strong heartbeat under her fingertips. 

"You didn't come to the forest this month," he stated, standing up straight though his dark gaze never left hers. 

She licked her lips, and tried to ignore the way his eyes tracked the movement. She meant to say she couldn't go, or that the arrival of the dominican friar had made her too anxious. Instead, the truth slipped out. 

"I'm afraid."

Kylo closed his eyes for a moment, breathing deep. "Afraid of me?"

The question surprised her. She had never felt the need to be afraid of him--afraid, perhaps of her reputation, but never of  _ him _ . He wouldn't hurt her. 

But she was afraid. Afraid of the fire that burned deep in her belly at the memory of their kiss. 

"Afraid of the way you make me feel."

At her words, he bent his head, and brushed his lips every so lightly against hers. 

"I know how I make you feel," he murmured, and  gently pushed Rey's veil from her head, loosening the bun at the nape of her neck.

She shivered as he let the tendrils of her hair slip through his fingers over and over, how he rubbed the soft brown strands between his thumb and index finger. 

"I lied. To Mother Superior, about you. And again to Friar Hux. I said Saint Sebastian saved me.  _ You _ saved me. But I can't tell them that. I would have to explain that you--that  _ I--" _

"Shh, sweetling. I know. I see it. You can't tell them that I saved you. Because you would have to tell them about me." He paused, before anchoring his fist at the base of her hair. "You think of taking me into your body?"

Rey whimpered, but nodded nonetheless. He was so close to her. His broad chest pressed against her slight frame, his big thighs invading between her legs. 

"I could show you," he murmured, his fingers tracing the outline of her lips. She opened her mouth ever so slightly--the smallest surrender to him--and he pressed his fingers to the flat of her tongue. 

His skin was salty but not unpleasant. She curled her tongue around the digits, he eyes meeting his with slow reluctance. His warm chocolate eyes burned with something fierce and primal in the low, red light. It made the secret, wet place between her thighs ache with something altogether unholy. 

"Do you even know the words for what you want?" He asked, his voice strained as his gaze remained locked on her mouth. 

She shook her head, and he reluctantly withdrew his fingers. Trailing his big hand down her body, he gripped her waist, pulling her tight against him. Rey gasped as the heat of him seeped into her skin. 

"It's called fucking. Or rutting. Or a thousand other things. Rey, I’m guilt of lust. Of imagining you spread beneath me. Of mounting you under a full moon." He ground his hips against hers, and once again she felt his hot, hard member press into her hip. "Do you feel me? That's my cock. I want badly to sink it into your hot little cunt. I can give you such pleasure, Rey. I can teach you things--show you things. Make your body sing in ecstasy."  

His words washed over her, spoken as they were in that rich, deep baritone of his. It made her ache, made her burn, and  _ want. _ She forgot where she was, who she was, and instead whimpered at the thought of his...his  _ cock _ moving deep inside of her. 

"Kylo. Please." 

She didn't know what she was asking for--for him to continue or for him to stop. But she never got the chance to find out. The loud bang of the chapel door bounced off the stone walls. It must be Father Pio getting ready for compline. 

"You've got to go," Rey hissed, trying to push past his massive frame. 

"Wait!" Kylo whispered, tugging her back into his chest. "Promise you'll come to the forest next month."

Rey shook her head. "I can't. There's a dominican friar here--he's asking questions about how quickly my bite healed. I'm afraid he'll become suspicious if I leave."

Kylo pressed his face to her throat and inhaled deeply. "Then I'll just have to come back."

Before she could argue with him--tell him that it was  _ not _ a good idea--Kylo buried his hands in her hair and gave a swift, bruising kiss before he gently pushed her out of the confessional booth. when she turned back to give him a piece of her mind, he was gone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the feast of Corpus Christi: celebration of the theological dogma that the bread and wine literally turn into the body and blood of Christ during mass. Literally means "body of Christ"  
> Luxuria: lust, one of the seven deadly sins  
> Charissimi filiae in Christo, vos super omnibus benedictiones sit: beloved daughters in Christ, blessings be upon you  
> domini canes: a Latin pun, meaning "dogs of the Lord". Was often used as a derogatory term towards dominican friars as because of the similarity in sound.

**Author's Note:**

> Glossary:  
> Liturgy of Hours: the way time was (and still is) organized in religious life, broken into about 3 hour segments  
> Matins / Vigils / Nocturns: night prayers, usually midnight  
> Lauds: 3am  
> Prime: 6am  
> Terce: 9am  
> Sext: 12pm  
> None: 3pm  
> Vespers: 6pm  
> Compline: 9pm


End file.
